Why Can’t I Stick to My New Year’s Resolution? 5 Shadow Work based Reasons Why and How to Overcome Them

Do you make New Year’s resolutions every year, only to find you lose steam or maybe even completely undo your progress after a few weeks or months? 

Maybe your resolution is the same every year, but you can never get it to stick. 

Once I found an old diary of mine from when I was 12 years old… the resolution was something I still resonate with – ‘to do the things I need to do.’ 

Oftentimes when we make resolutions we do them with good intent, they reflect things we want or even need, but they’re just the tip of the iceberg so to speak. If we notice we keep shooting for the same things, but never hitting the target and asking ourselves – why can’t I keep my New Years resolution? It might be time to look under the layers and into the shadow.  

Here are some common underlying reasons why your New Year's resolutions might be failing…. 

Unconscious Resistance and Fear is Blocking you

Often, people may have unconscious fears or resistance to change, leading to self-sabotage or avoidance of taking necessary steps toward their resolutions. I find this fear is usually connected to the idea of actually attaining or creating the very thing they desire. It’s not that we fear putting in the hard work to run a marathon this year, it’s more so the fear of what may happen or who we might become if we do actually complete that marathon. 

What to do?

Explore your underlying fears or limiting beliefs through shadow work. Identify and integrate these shadow aspects to reduce resistance and create a more supportive inner environment for change. On your own this might look like journaling around what changes or happens when you do achieve your goal - if I get this thing I desire then my life changes because…. 

You’re out of Alignment with your Authentic Desires

Resolutions are less likely to succeed if they are not aligned with your authentic values and desires. Setting goals based on external expectations or societal pressures often leads to disengagement. We might also say that these goals are coming from your ego rather than your authentic self. The ego’s main job is to keep you safe, and something that it considers woefully unsafe is, you guessed it… change. Attaining your goal represents a huge change to the ego, and thus it’s often resisted.

Next steps…

Delve into deeper self-reflection to uncover your genuine desires and values. Shadow work can help you distinguish between socially imposed expectations and your authentic aspirations, allowing for resolutions that resonate personally. You can journal around what things or experiences you truly enjoy the most in the world - if no one was watching and money was no factor, what makes your heart sing? 

Your Intentions and Goals aren’t Specific (or realistic)

Resolutions that are overly vague or unrealistic can be challenging to achieve. Without clear, achievable milestones, we may become overwhelmed and lose motivation pretty easily. We need to have clear, precise visions for what we want to create - maybe that’s a business, a fitness goal or even a feeling you want to experience more often. 

How to hone it in…

I like coaching my clients to move away from a concrete ‘goal’ to a goal of committing to the path. We can still hold our end goal, which needs to be precise and realistic, but instead of focusing solely on that, we shift to focusing on the small steps of the process. We can use shadow work to clarify goals and break them down into smaller, manageable steps, while addressing any inner conflicts or doubts about the feasibility of the resolutions, fostering a sense of empowerment and progress.

You need more Emotional Resilience

Challenges and setbacks are inevitable in any transformative journey. Without emotional resilience, we may give up when faced with obstacles, hindering the progress of our resolutions. If you find that often you set a goal, and move forward with it just until it gets hard, then you lose interest or ability to follow through, this is something to pay attention to. We need to be able to move through the discomfort in order to expand. 

Building that muscle… 

Shadow work can help build emotional resilience by addressing underlying wounds or traumas, enabling you to navigate challenges with greater strength and perseverance. Learning somatic practices for connecting with your body and purposely challenging yourself to move through discomfort can also strengthen your ability to move through discomfort or difficulty, rather than being stopped by it. 

Your Goals are about External Approval & Attention

If your resolutions are driven by a desire for external validation or societal approval rather than personal growth, we often lose motivation when that external validation is lacking. If my goal is to lose weight to get a new partner, but I lose some weight and that new partner or new attention doesn’t come, it’s easy to quit the journey toward that goal. Alternatively, sometimes we seek the goals that others give us, like our parents wanting us to become a Doctor or to get married and have kids. When our goals are about getting something in return from outside of us, or about fulfilling the desire of someone else, it’s usually impossible to attain them. 

Finding your inner voice…

Examine the deeper motivations behind your resolutions. Shadow work can uncover whether goals are rooted in authentic self-improvement or external validation. By shifting the focus inward, you can find greater intrinsic motivation and satisfaction in the pursuit of your resolutions. Simply asking yourself the question - what’s in it for me? Can surprisingly go a long way toward uncovering where the true source of that goal is. 

Are you Ready to Achieve your Dreams this Year? 

If you’ve read this far, my guess is - yes, absolutely! And I’m here to help. Ego work and shadow work aren’t the types of things we can easily do on our own, because our ego loves to keep everything the same - it can block us from seeing past it. Having a coach helps you see beyond  the ego’s view and into your true nature. 

If you’re ready to step forward on your transformation journey and into your authentic life, schedule a discovery call to see if we’re a good fit! We’ll also do a mini shadow work session on this call so you can see first hand the type of work we’ll be doing together!